Leading by Leaving: Why I Don't Answer Work Messages After 7 PM

11:23 PM.

Your phone buzzes.

Slack from your manager:

"Hey, quick question about tomorrow's deployment..."

You're in bed. Your partner is asleep. You should be too.

But you open Slack.

You respond.

Two things just happened:

1. You just told your manager it's okay to message you at 11 PM.

2. You just told your team it's normal to be working at 11 PM.

Tomorrow, your engineer will see that you responded at 11:23 PM.

And they'll think: "I guess we're expected to be always-on."

Even if you never said that. Even if you don't want that.

Your behavior just set the culture.

This post is about one rule I follow:

I don't answer work messages after 7 PM.

Not because I'm lazy. Not because I don't care.

But because I'm a leader. And leaders set culture through what they do, not what they say.

Culture Is What You Do, Not What You Say

Most companies say:

• "We value work-life balance."
• "Take time off."
• "Don't burn out."

But then:

• Managers send emails at midnight
• CTOs brag about working weekends
• Leaders never take vacation

Guess which message the team hears?

The one from behavior.

If you're a leader (manager, tech lead, staff engineer, CTO—anyone people look to), your off-hours behavior matters more than your words.

Example 1: The Late-Night Email

Manager sends email at 10 PM:

"No rush, just a thought for tomorrow's standup."

What the manager thinks: "I had a thought, wrote it down, they can read it tomorrow."

What the team hears: "My manager is working at 10 PM. I should be too."

Result:

• Engineer sees email at 10 PM
• Feels pressure to respond
• Even if manager said "no rush," the behavior signals "always on"

Example 2: The Weekend Deploy

CTO deploys a feature Saturday afternoon.

Slack message: "Shipped X! 🚀"

What the CTO thinks: "I was excited, had free time, pushed it live."

What the team hears: "Leadership works weekends. That's the standard."

Result:

• Engineers feel guilty for not working weekends
• Weekends become "optional work time"

Example 3: The "Unlimited PTO" Trap

Company policy: "Unlimited PTO! Take time off!"

Reality:

• CEO hasn't taken a vacation in 2 years
• VPs work through their vacations
• Managers respond to Slack during PTO

What the team does:

• Takes 5 days off a year
• Checks email on vacation
• Feels guilty for being gone

Unlimited PTO without modeled behavior = zero PTO.

The lesson: Your team copies what you do, not what you say.**

Why I Chose a 7 PM Cut-Off

Context matters. Your time might be different.

For me, 7 PM works because:

1. Family time starts at 6:30 PM (dinner, kids' bedtime).

2. I need a clear "off" signal (for me and my team).

3. It forces me to finish work during work hours (no "I'll do it tonight").

Your cutoff might be:

• 6 PM (if you have young kids)
• 8 PM (if you're in a different phase)
• 9 PM (if you work late but want a hard stop)

The exact time matters less than:

• It's consistent
• It's communicated
• You honor it

What This Doesn't Mean

It doesn't mean:

• I never work late (I do, occasionally)
• I ignore true emergencies (production down = I respond)
• I'm unavailable (I'm very available 9 AM-7 PM)

It means:

• After 7 PM, only P0 emergencies reach me
• Everything else waits until morning
• My team knows this and respects it

Systems That Make This Possible

"But I need to be available for emergencies!"

Yes. But most "emergencies" aren't emergencies.

System 1: Define P0 vs Everything Else

Sit with your team and define:

P0 (True Emergency):

• Production down
• Customer-impacting bug
• Security breach

How to reach me: Phone call or dedicated #emergency channel.

P1 (Important, Not Emergency):

• Needs input tomorrow
• Deadline approaching
• Coordination needed

How to reach me: Slack/email (I'll see it in the morning).

P2 (Everything Else):

• FYIs
• Ideas
• Non-urgent questions

How to reach me: Slack/email (I'll respond when I have time).

Once this is clear, 95% of after-hours messages disappear.

Because people realize they can wait.

System 2: Schedule-Send Your Messages

You're a leader. You have thoughts at 9 PM.

Don't hit send.

Use schedule-send:

Slack: Type your message, click the arrow next to Send → Schedule for 9 AM tomorrow.

Email: Write the email, schedule it for 8 AM tomorrow.

Why:

• You capture the thought (it's not lost)
• Your team doesn't see it until morning
• You don't create pressure to respond off-hours

Most tools support this now. Use it.

System 3: Clear On-Call Ownership

Instead of:

• Everyone is "kind of" on-call
• Leader is implicitly always on-call

Do:

• Formal on-call rotation
• Clear escalation paths
• Leader is only escalation point (not first responder)

Example:

On-call this week: Engineer A

Escalation path:

• P0: Engineer A handles, escalates to Tech Lead if needed
• Tech Lead escalates to you (CTO) if needed

Result:

• You're not first line of defense
• You can disconnect most nights
• Team owns responsibility

System 4: One Emergency Channel, Everything Else Waits

Slack setup:

#emergency: P0 only. Phone notifications on.

Everything else: No notifications after 7 PM.

Rule:

"If you post in #emergency, it better be a true emergency. If it's not, we'll talk about calibration."

Result:

• Clear signal for real issues
• Everything else batches to morning

Communicating This Boundary to Your Team

Don't assume people know.

Say it explicitly. Repeat it.

At Team Meetings

"I don't respond to non-urgent messages after 7 PM. If there's a production emergency, call me or post in #emergency. Otherwise, I'll respond in the morning. I don't expect you to work after hours either—please protect your time."

In 1:1s

"I want to be clear: I don't expect you to respond to messages after hours. I don't. I protect my evenings for family, and I want you to do the same."

In Your Slack Status

After 7 PM:

🏠 Offline – Emergency? Call me.

On vacation:

🌴 On vacation, fully unplugged. Contact [Manager X] for urgent issues.

Why this matters:

• Clear expectations
• Permission for others to do the same

Communicating to Peers and Leadership

What if your manager or peers work late?

With Your Manager

Have a direct conversation:

"I want to set a boundary for my own sustainability and to model healthy behavior for my team. I won't be responding to non-urgent messages after 7 PM. If there's a true emergency, call me. Does that work?"

Most managers will say yes.

If they don't, ask:

"Help me understand—what situations after 7 PM are you expecting me to be available for?"

Often, they'll realize they don't actually need you after hours.

With Peers (Other Leaders)

Be clear:

"I'm setting a boundary at 7 PM. If you message me after that, I'll respond in the morning unless it's a P0."

And hold it.

If they violate it repeatedly:

"Hey, I noticed you're messaging me at 10 PM. Is there a reason this can't wait until morning? I'm trying to protect my off-hours."

Most people respect boundaries when you state them clearly.

Handling Edge Cases

"But what about launches, incidents, time zones?"

Edge Case 1: Product Launch Week

Sometimes, you need to be on.

Acknowledge it:

"This week is unusual—we're launching X. I'll be available after hours through Friday. Next week, I'm back to my normal 7 PM cutoff."

Key:

• Time-bound (just this week)
• Communicated (so team knows it's temporary)
• Followed by recovery (next week, strict boundaries)

Edge Case 2: True Incidents

Production is down. Customer impact.

Of course you respond.

But:

• This should be rare (if it's every week, you have a system problem)
• After the incident, conduct a post-mortem (how do we prevent this?)
• Take recovery time (if you worked Saturday night, take Monday off)

Edge Case 3: Time Zones

You manage a global team.

Solutions:

1. Async-first:

• Most communication doesn't need to be synchronous
• Use documents, recorded videos, Slack threads

2. Rotate meeting times:

• Don't always favor one time zone
• Share the pain

3. Respect local off-hours:

• Don't schedule meetings at 6 AM or 10 PM for anyone

4. Clear hand-offs:

• APAC team hands off to Europe, Europe to US
• Each region has autonomy

Closing: The Most Powerful Leadership Move Is Often to Leave on Time

Let's reframe:

Leaving on time isn't:

• Lazy
• Uncommitted
• Career-limiting

Leaving on time is:

• Modeling sustainable behavior
• Protecting your health
• Creating permission for others to do the same

The leader who:

• Works 60 hours/week
• Responds at midnight
• Never takes vacation

Signals:

• This is the standard
• Burn yourself out to succeed
• Work is life

The leader who:

• Works 45 hours/week
• Leaves at 6 PM
• Takes real vacations

Signals:

• Sustainable pace is possible
• Boundaries are respected
• Life exists outside work

Which team would you rather work on?

Experiment: One Week of a Clear Cut-Off

This week:

1. Choose your cutoff time (e.g., 7 PM)

2. Communicate it:

• Tell your team
• Set your Slack status
• Tell your manager

3. Honor it:

• After 7 PM: close Slack, close email
• Exceptions: P0 emergencies only (phone call)

4. Use schedule-send:

• If you have a thought at 9 PM, schedule it for tomorrow

5. Observe:

• Did anything actually break?
• How did your team react?
• How did you feel?

Most likely outcome:

• Nothing broke
• Team respected it
• You felt more rested

That's how boundaries become culture.

Leadership isn't about being always-on.

It's about being effective, sustainable, and setting the tone.

Leave on time. Protect your boundaries. Model the culture you want.

Your team is watching. Lead by leaving.